Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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