Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
