a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
