I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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