That's intense
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
