yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
