We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize