i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
