just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
