I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
