he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the condom got lost in my hair
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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