Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
