I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
