I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
