I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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