After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
