I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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