You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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