The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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