cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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