You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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