we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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