No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
