so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
