So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
