the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
