She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize