You can't special order awesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
