First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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