before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
