She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize