ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
