I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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