Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
