i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
