Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
