I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
