Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
