And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
