my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize