I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
