the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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