do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize