The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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