Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
