My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize