I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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