Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
