good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
