It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
