This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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