I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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