Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
