I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
