swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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