so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize