You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
