We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
