Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize