I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
