Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
