I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
