Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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