I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
