It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
