I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
