I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
