I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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