So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sext me about skeletons
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize