Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
