these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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