I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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