I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
