If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
