Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
